Thou Bitter Sky
by SoloMoon
Summary: A small collection of 100-word drabbles, Zuko's POV; subjects include Mai, Toph, Katara, Aang, Suki, Iroh, Azula, etc; Maiko and Kataang.
1. First Impressions

Four years

Four years.

It's been at least that long since my sister's best friends left to go their separate ways, the last time I saw her.

She walks in without fanfare, looking for Azula, not me.

My first crush. My first, fumbling, kiss. Possibly even my first love, it occurs to me now.

I turn my head just enough so that she can get a clear glimpse of what remains of my face. _Go ahead. Look at me._

Even Mai, she who remains eternally bored, she of the perfect façade, cannot stop her wince in time.

Something inside me quietly dies.


	2. Homemaking

A/N: Set between EIP and Sozin's Comet.

* * *

"The beach."

I glance over at the Kyoshi warrior, as she looks out at the ocean.

"What?" I ask.

As we watch, Aang deflects Katara's jet of water, giggling. They've been playing in the surf all afternoon.

"You know that saying about how a bird and a fish may fall in love, but have nowhere to make their home?" she says.

"My uncle always said that was a load of rabaroo dung…"

"Well, there's your answer. Air and land and water meet – at the beach."

Katara laughs, sending a wave to trip Aang, as he threads icicles through her hair.


	3. Sans Everything

Disclaimer: Title owned by Shakespeare; Avatar owned by a bunch of producers who don't deserve it anyway.

* * *

_"Why would he banish you if he didn't care?"_

At the time, I was only hurt and angry at my uncle's words; now I understand. Ozai cared enough to ensure I was gone. He believed the avatar dead when he sent me on the fool's errand he hoped would keep me occupied for the rest of my life.

He considered me a threat.

Pride and shame, my saving graces. Pride in myself enough not to fall, shame in my family's sins making me strong.

_Like waterbending_.

I understand Iroh's words.

The purest of fires strikes me – and I strike back.


	4. Father and Son

A/N: Set just before Bitter Work, after The Chase

* * *

Four days since Azula's attack, and Iroh hasn't woken.

Although I'd have never wished these circumstances, a part of me is just glad to be back with him once more.

We are an unlikely pair, he and I. Two exiled princes of the Fire Nation, both expected to someday rule, both betrayed by Ozai, both forever homeless. Yet somehow we are still nothing alike.

Iroh stirs again, turning over. I quickly put an arm around him to steady him, afraid he'll hurt himself.

"Lu Ten?" he murmurs.

"I'm here," I answer, hating myself, hating him, hating Ozai most of all.


	5. A Torrent of Darkness

A/N: Not Toko. Sorry, fangirls.

* * *

The first night after the war's official end, and the entire nation is in celebration.

I watch from the palace's balcony as plumes of fire in every color imaginable blast into the sky, the explosions shaking the ancient walls.

"I wish you could see it," I comment over the din to, for the moment, my only companion. No doubt the others are off in the hubbub below, but neither of us has ever liked crowds. "It's really beautiful."

"Shhh," she snaps, hands and bare feet pressed into the stone as another flame whistles past. "I'm trying to enjoy the show."


	6. Burned

A/N: Set shortly after FBM, not Toko. Ozai's so mean!

* * *

"Careful, Aang, or you'll burn yourself," I snap.

"I thought firebenders couldn't _get_ burned," Toph says.

There's a long silence, during which Aang looks anywhere but at my face. I grab a pebble and toss it at her.

"What was that for?" She melodramatically rubs her arm.

"That was a rock, wasn't it? Just because you're an earthbender – "

"Okay, fine. But I _could've_ blocked that," she defends. "I just trusted that if you were throwing rocks at me, it was for a good reason."

"Yes," I say, brushing my hair away from my scar, "That's how a firebender gets burned."


	7. Sacrifice

A/N: Lu Ten again - what can I say? Set a little after FBM.

* * *

"This is your fault, you know."

The silent stone effigies of the Western Air Temple don't answer.

Another lesson with Aang. Another hour with nothing learned.

"The one avatar who may be forced to kill, of all the lives he's lived, and Aang was born an airbender. He needs to learn, sometimes one must kill to save lives."

Silence still.

"You could have saved yourselves, you know, army or no. All it would've taken was one death. Azulon, maybe. Sozin definitely. His army would've turned back without him."

After all, it only took one death to save Ba Sing Se.


	8. That Hideous Strength

A/N: Title from the C.S. Lewis novel.

* * *

The horizon glows with an unnatural false sunrise. Suddenly, the sky is lit by the great streaks of flame named for my great-grandfather.

Sozin's comet. So, it is finally here.

The power surge hits.

I feel… _alive_. Like the power now flowing through me, pulsing within with the every beat of my heart, is the life of every firebender channeled through my body. The air around me sings with heat, ready to combust with the slightest of movements.

"It's – _beautiful_." Katara sounds shocked.

"Did you expect it to be horrible?" I ask lightly.

Her silence is an answer in itself.


	9. Jealousy and Denial

A/N: Set after Boiling Rock.

* * *

"For so long I really wanted my dad back," Katara says softly, "but it seems like all he does is try and protect us. I know he really cares, but Sokka and I aren't the little kids he left behind anymore."

I watch as she stands up, muttering something about dinner – then watch in surprise as Toph gets up too, only to plunk down beside me.

"I wasn't eavesdropping –"

"I may not know what _green _is," she interrupts, "but I do know a green-eyed monster when I see it."

"I –"

"Especially since it just so happens I've got it too."


	10. The Depth My Soul Can Reach

A/N: Set just after FBM. Title from _Sonnets from the Portuguese._

* * *

"Hi."

I jump as she sits down next to me, unaware there was anyone else awake.

"Hi, Toph."

"So, what're you doing up?"

I look away. "I dunno. I was just…"

"Homesick?"

I laugh. "Are you kidding? No way. I should've left months ago, and it's not like I have anything I really regret leaving. I mean, just look at my family; I have no reason to be homesick. I don't miss those cruel, malicious –"

"I can tell when you're lying, you know."

Silence.

"It's okay," she says quietly. "'Specially since, if _you're _allowed to be homesick, I_ certainly_ am."


	11. The Man That I Might Have Been

A/N: Set during The Awakening. Title owned by Henry Lawson.

* * *

The slight, unconscious way he draws back, the stifled gasp: these are hardly new to me. By now, the arrested recoil that is the usual reaction when first seeing my face is no surprise to me.

After all, considering that my own reaction to seeing it for the first time was enough that the physicians contrived to put the bandages on for another month, I have no reason to condemn their shock.

Yet it occurs to me to wonder that Ozai lacks the ability to hide emotion that his elder brother granted me, for his horror and revulsion as he views his own handiwork is clear for me to read.


	12. How My Light is Spent

A/N: Five years after Sozin's Comet. Title from a Milton poem.

* * *

Sokka leans forward. His audience – none older than six – watches him raptly.

"– Then, Aang was all _earthbending_! I could just see the fear in those yellow eyes…"

Mai lurks behind me, smiling faintly at his rendition and our own daughter's wide-eyed admiration. "Why is it that, if asked about the time he broke into the best-guarded prison in the world, or how he took out an entire fleet of airships almost single-handedly, he dodges the question…"

"Yet he never seems to grow tired of the time he was nearly defeated by a moose-lion cub and a badly placed hole in the ground?"


	13. By Rule of Hour

A/N: Set during The Blue Spirit. Title is Noyes', Avatar is M&B's, line at the end is old as dirt and thereby belongs to no one.

* * *

"_Help me."_

I don't know why I'm at the shrine for the spirit of tricksters and thieves for help against Zhou, but then my patron Agni hasn't exactly proved forthcoming recently.

"I can't let _him _have what I've worked to find for so long. I'll never get home. Please…"

No response.

"Fine! Leave a _kid_ to rot in the hands of that monster. See if I care!"

The ship keels sharply –

_Thunk._

The grinning face shifts slightly, falling back. _It's not an effigy – it's a mask._

They say spirits help those who help themselves…


	14. Penal Fire

A/N: Set during The Awakening; title is from Milton's description of Hell.

* * *

_Anger, pain: these can be used to help your bending, if only you know how to utilize them._

Perhaps I would do better not to analyze Iroh's words too thoroughly, as my firebending this past month has been better than I've ever seen it.

Kick, spin, block… Part of me I'd feared lost after months' hard living is returning from dormancy; the resulting flame burns hot enough to surprise even me.

_Anger._

_Pain._

_Pride…._

I don't even realize I've fallen into a different set of moves entirely, until Ty Lee wanders by and, giggling, asks whether I'm trying to waterbend.


	15. Long Day's Journey

A/N: Set after FBM.

* * *

"Why you?"

I blink. "What?"

The earthbender – Haru – shrugs awkwardly. "Aang's an orphan, Toph's a runaway, my dad's in jail, Duke's homeless…"

"You're wondering what I'm doing here."

"Well…" He looks down. "You're a firebender. Why _are_ you here?"

I smirk. "Do you have three hours?"

Aang yells. "Zuko! Zuko! Did you see? My fire was blue! It was _actually kinda blue!_ Well, maybe it was purple…"

--

When I gently leave Aang to look for Haru again, he's gone. But then, I guess he has his answer: with this kid, one hardly needs a reason for wanting to protect him.


	16. Merely This and Nothing More

A/N: Set during Sozin's Comet. Title from _The Raven._

* * *

It's finally over, and here she is, helpless before us.

She screams again, vomiting blue flames. Katara looks away, as if seeing something indecent.

But I watch as Azula breaks down into sobs, remembering the toddler who couldn't get past the first syllable of my name, the little girl who was my first friend. I pay witness to this latest of Ozai's sins, and I promise myself that there will be no more.

And then we turn and walk away, something like moisture prickling the backs of my eyes in direct contradiction to the lightning still prickling within my body.


	17. As Knowledge Increases

A/N: Set a year after canon. The full saying is "as knowledge increases, so sorrow does."

* * *

No one ever led me to believe that being the most powerful man in the four nations would be easy; certainly even the spoiled prince I once was never harbored such delusions.

I just never expected it to be this hard.

"_Why_ can't you help us?"

"I'm sorry, but many provinces have been affected by the drought, and there is only so much that the royal treasury can cover…"

On days like these, looking into this woman's eyes and telling her that her people are doomed, it is far too easy to remember that both my immediate predecessors went mad.


	18. Death of an Era

A/N: Set 70-odd years after canon.

* * *

"Water tribe peasant requesting audience, my lord."

I blink; it's rare that people from other nations drop in on the fire lord, and it's even rarer that my incredibly stuffy guards actually let anyone in.

The girl that they usher before me certainly offers no clue in her appearance; she looks like any other Water Tribe kid, hair pulled back in loops and expression terrified.

"Well, child?"

"I'm… Kya," she mumbles quickly. "Daughter of Kuruk son of Suki andSokkasonofHakodasonofKannadaughterof – of – "

I wait while she trails off, wondering where this is all going.

"I – Lady Toph said I've gotta learn firebending..."


	19. Strength in Abandon

A/N: Just because Teo's awesome.

* * *

"That's all for today."

"Yes!" Aang yells – and throws himself off the ledge into the chasm below.

My stomach performs the same wrenching shudder as always in the time between when Aang drops and when he glides into view.

The scrape of wheels against stone tells me who's laughing at my shocked expression.

"He's crazy," I say hoarsely. "And you're _crazier_. If you fall, you're dead."

"You think I'll fall?"

"Trusting your life to wood and – _paper_…"

"_You've_ trusted Appa. Maybe Aang never told you about the time he fell asleep..."

I shudder, vowing never to ride the bison again.


	20. All That We See or Seem

A/N: Set during "Nightmares and Daydreams."

* * *

When the shift comes, it's actually a great deal less dramatic than I expected.

No now-or-never decision hangs over me. The dragons lurk inside my head, not in the souls of those I love.

It's thoughts of a commoner girl's pretty smile, a penniless boy's unhesitating hospitality, a young woman who walks with a limp, a kid my age destroyed by survival, that finally bring to the forefront of my mind the idea that has been lurking there, just out of sight, for nearly six months now:

_They're not so different from us._

Suddenly, this is no choice at all.


	21. Signifying Nothing

"So how long have you been helping the avatar and my children, son? Seems like quite a decision, considering..."

"Well, sir, I guess –"

"Hakoda."

"Sorry, sir?"

"It's Hakoda. My name."

"Oh, yeah, I know, I just –"

"Then feel free to use it, son. 'Sir' just makes me feel old. I'm not important enough to have a title."

"S – Hakoda?"

"Yes?"

"Don't call me son and I won't call you sir."

Drat. Now he's looking at me in that same way Katara did when I told her about my mother that time under Ba Sing Se. Must be inherited somehow.


	22. Command the Air Bridged Harbor

A/N: Title from _The New Colossus._

* * *

I sigh, looking over the long-deserted temple. Fifty thousand airbenders died here, or so they say.

Everything has changed. I feel as though I've aged decades, this month.

Life now is pretending not to be in pain so that I won't earn the pitying looks Uncle doesn't know I see.

It's seeing the world through one eye alone. It's discovering what it feels like to scratch an itch and find your skin peeling away in your hand. It's wondering if anyone will ever be able to look at me again without flinching.

And yet… It's a kind of freedom, too.


	23. Shades of Heroes Farewell

A/N: Set shortly after The Boiling Rock. Title from Lord Byron.

* * *

_We got away too easily. Azula must have followed us – _

"Don't worry. Aang'll save everyone."

My emotions must be written on my face; apparently this six-year-old can see my anxiety.

"But until Aang _does_ save us…"

The Duke shrugs elaborately. "Nobody can catch the Avatar!"

I smile wryly. _None know it better than I..._

"… and break them out of prison, rescue everyone, and kill all the firebenders!"

"What?"

Another shrug. "It's somethin' Jet useta say."

_Well, _that _explains a lot… _"Aang's a firebender, actually."

Duke's eyes grow big. "Really? But then… Jet was _wrong_?"

I sigh. "No, just… just misguided."


	24. To Die Without Regret

The latest citizen honoring his Fire Lord bows awkwardly, thanks to the cane under his remaining arm.

"Lieutenant Kenzo, lord. Only... survivor... of the 41st regiment."

He's hardly five years my senior.

Many of his regiment would've been my age.

"_Fresh meat…" _

"I heard why you were…banished, sir. It means a great deal that someone cared."

--

Upon finding me throwing up into a decorative urn in the antechamber, Mai doesn't comment, ignores my muttering that I spent _every day _wishing I could take it back, only holds me until my trembling subsides and I can resume receiving undeserved respect.


	25. Living is Conquered At Last

A/N: Because we all knew that grass stalk wasn't meaningless as Nickelodeon claimed...

* * *

If this kid – Jet – is the harmless refugee looking for a new life in Ba Sing Se he claims, then I have no reason to be wary around him.

_Harmless. _Right. _And I'm an impoverished Earth Kingdom native who wants nothing more in life than to own a tea shop someday._

Even without his shifty expression and vague past, I've heard enough stories about those who have been reduced by desperation to chewing the opiate weed…

And so I go along with everything he says – and remain within an arm's twitch of reducing him to a cinder at all times...


	26. An Imperial Affliction

"Remind me again why the crazy blind girl who shows affection by hitting people and considers major bruises all a part of a day's work gets to be Melon Lord?" I mutter, watching Toph rolling boulders in pitch with no small level of anxiety.

Sokka, twirling his sword rhythmically, shrugs. "Suki and I aren't benders, and we all know that Katara would never be able to attack any of us really well."

He wanders off to find Suki, the second part of the sentence left unsaid: and we all know that I would be only _too _good at attacking them…


	27. Upon the Ground With Awe

A/N: Set during Serpent's Pass; title from Oscar Wilde.

* * *

A small group of the refugees has compiled enough scraps of wood, paper, and rags to form a ragged heap in the center of the floor; a hard-faced woman now aims sparks at the little pile.

The paper catches, and suddenly the entire room is flooded with light as the fire roars to life.

To my right, the kid with the bow flinches.

I shut my eyes, understanding only too well.

Of course, it occurs to me to wonder if anyone besides us flinched. Of course, I shove such thoughts away almost as soon as they wander into my mind.


	28. Deteriorate in Kind

"Pleeeease can I stay up a little longer?"

His father gives me a questioning look; I shrug. "Sure," he says.

Lee's gap-toothed grin splits his face. His mother smiles faintly.

The cold and bitter taste of envy stabs, as my sole worshipper in all the world celebrates the prospect of more time spent in my presence. I wish I could believe in anyone that way.

I also long for a time when I had a father to look up to, a mother to look out for me, but this is hardly a new ache.

The feeling of missing my uncle, however, is still surprisingly fresh.


	29. This and My Heart Beside

"Five," Mai murmurs, looking over the courtyard unseen.

"And I was thinking, since we actually know each other…" Ty Lee babbles on. Sokka, hindered by his broken leg, doubtlessly wishes for escape.

"Four…"

"So did I tell you this one time…?" Ty's getting more awkward still.

"Three…" Mai leans closer to me.

Sokka, not quite able to meet the eyes of someone currently doing a handstand, says something about Suki to the ground.

"Two…" Mai whispers.

"Look…" Sokka mumbles.

"And," Ty Lee interrupts, "I was wondering…"

"One."

Sokka collapses to the ground, limp as a rag doll, unable to move.


	30. Sense to the Discerning Eye

A/N: Set after Sozin's Comet. Title from Emily Dickinson.

* * *

The door clicking faintly shut behind me is enough to make me jump; the wing of the palace reserved for the royal family is deadly silent.

I leave tracks in the dust as I walk slowly towards what's left of the vanity mirror. Broken glass and clumps of hair litter the entire room. The walls are streaked with scorch marks.

Centered almost perfectly on the dusty floor is a lonely cherry pit, as if offered up as evidence. Exhibit three: symbol of impending madness.

How long did dozens watch their princess rot from within and dare not say a word?


	31. Quaint and Curious War

A/N: Set during Siege of the North. Title is Thomas Hardy's.

* * *

_Crack._

There is no mistaking the feel of the ice giving way. The split-second decision I face now is clear in a flash, as is the logical answer.

_Drop the Avatar._

Sprinting across the ice, wondering what I just did, I know that his being my shot at return isn't why I choose to save him –

It has more to do with the fact that I can _feel _his heartbeat –

I spare thought only for a desperate plea that if they will not save me, the spirits will at least preserve one of their own…


	32. The Point of Total Certainty

Of _course_ I'm not planning anything. I just regained my honor after _years _of trying.

And yet…

Yet there is still the bag of Earth Kingdom money I keep under my mattress, the servant's uniform stashed in the back of my closet, the perfectly-sharpened condition of my swords, or the fact that I've been ever-wary as to the Avatar's whereabouts even now…

Just in case, of course.

I _know _Uncle still has power within the castle and have said nothing… Just in case.

And I sit here now, writing the umpteenth draft of my letter to Mai…

_Just in case. _


	33. Free Flight into the Wordless

Aang looks up at me, eager and happy. "Did I do it right?

The form that took me months of endless trying to perform correctly, took me years to master with any reasonable level of skill, preformed effortlessly after only two weeks' learning…

_Why are you so far behind your sister? She's nearly two years younger than you…_

_No wonder your own father won't let you firebend where others might see…_

_Shouldn't you have learned this by now?_

_Why can't you be better?_

_He's embarrassed of you…_

_Why can't you be stronger – more like Azula?_

"Good job," I tell him.


	34. Fire from the Icy Cloud

"You mean you woke up one day and everything you had ever known was gone, everyone you knew horribly murdered, and every single soul on the planet from your childhood long dead?"

Of course, I knew the basic facts of the Avatar's life, had heard of the airbenders' fate… I just never did this math before.

He doesn't answer, the flame in his hands growing visibly hotter.

"How did you _survive_?"

_How could you, when losing my family and home, even knowing I'd someday return, was nearly enough to kill me?_

"Katara," he answers softly, fire nearly invisible with heat.


	35. My Part of Death

Staring out at Ba Sing Se, listening to Sokka snoring, I cannot stop my thoughts when they adopt a direction I'd rather avoid.

Will my uncle ever forgive me? For that matter, do I even _deserve _it anymore…?

"I am such a selfish jerk sometimes," I mutter.

"I'm sure he'll forgive you. Even _Katara_ did eventually."

I jump when Toph speaks.

"I didn't get Katara thrown in prison," I point out.

"Yeah, but you got Aang _killed, _and he got over it," she says.

"Aang – isn't everyone," I say, looking out at the sky and wishing we could have the avatar here for the conflict ahead.


	36. For Want of the Battle

The almost-full moon is pale against the blackened sky.

"We never had any time together," Sokka whispers fiercely. "She said she had to marry Hahn, had to protect her people. _Had_ to…"

"Good for her," I say flatly.

He looks at me sharply. "She wasn't _happy. _It wasn't what _she _wanted. She was just doing what she thought was best for her _country_."

"There are some things more important than love, or happiness. For her… she had to do it."

"Doesn't make it any better," he mumbles.

I think of the stolen dagger, lying under my mattress. "No, it doesn't."


	37. Accidental Stars

A/N: Title belongs to T.S. Eliot

* * *

Though I'll never admit it, on days like this I almost enjoy the repetition.

There is something comforting in rising and knowing what will come next, a series of chores with no pressure at all except not to let the tea burn.

As I sweep the teapot from the fire, holding it in both hands to warm it, I realize that this is somewhat like meditating, because there's something calming about the flow of routine, and afterwards there is something that has been accomplished…

It's not until I see Uncle's smile that I realize I've been humming as I work.


	38. A Raisin in the Sun

A/N:Title belongs to Langston Hughes. Set between Seasons 2 and 3.

* * *

"It was… braveof you to do that – run away from everything, just go and _join the circus _and all… I mean, everyone always talks about doing it, but you _actually_…" I shrug.

I shouldn't even try to talk to my sister's friends. Already Mai's mad at me or something, I think (no way to tell for sure with her...)

Ty Lee shrugs herself. "If you ask me, there're only two kinds of people: the kind who talk about joining the circus… And the kind who _do._"

Before I can ask what she means, she winks at me and cartwheels away.


	39. The East: pt 1

"After we conquer Ba Sing Se, I _promise _I'll take you there," he tells me.

"_Really_?" I hear it's the biggest city in the whole world.

He smiles. "I promise, Zuzu."

I roll my eyes. I'm _way_ too old for his nickname for me, but I don't mind when Lu Ten calls me that. He's the best cousin ever, after all.

"You'll come back soon, right?" I don't know why he and Uncle have to go fight some dumb war anyway.

_He's_ rolling_ his_ eyes now. "I promised, didn't I? Don't worry, Zuzu. I'll be back before you know it."


	40. The Sun: pt 2

"What are you doing, Zuzu?" she says.

I'm so busy making sure that there's no tears on my face (I'm _way_ too old to cry, after all) that at first I don't realize what she calls me.

She's the worst sister ever.

"Well, Zuzu? Were you crying or weren't you?"

"Don't call me that!" I yell.

"Whatever, Zuzu," she says.

I stand up. I don't _care_ if she sees me crying. "I'm warning you!"

"What are you going to do? Use your pathetic firebending on me?"

"I'll—I'll—"

"You'll do what? Call _Mom_?"

"Shut up!"

"Whatever you want, _Zuzu._"


	41. The Moon: pt 3

A/N: Characters are borrowed without permission from Mike and Brian, titles from Mr. Bill Shakespeare.

* * *

"And _what _did your sister call you?" Katara can't keep the laugh out of her voice.

She doesn't see me flinch.

"Seriously," she persists. "What was it?"

"I don't want to talk about it," I mumble.

"Really," she says. "Because unless I was mistaken, I think that Azula referred to you as—"

"_I said I don't want to talk about it!_"

Great. I just yelled at her. Again.

"Fine," she mutters. "Be that way, Zuzu."

I will not firebend at Katara. I will not firebend at Katara. I will not firebend at Katara. I will not firebend at Katara -


End file.
